2:00pm Coffee and the Urge to Write

Interesting that when 2:00pm roles around, I have the strong urge for a cup of coffee and to spill my thoughts in some form or fashion. I remember afternoon, heady discussions in my advisor's office. I miss those. Back when things were safe and controlled and my time was protected. I naively thought that it would get easier when I graduated and had my own position. Not so. Currently, I'm feeling scattered and lost. I suppose it goes with the territory. I need to focus and pull it together. Unfortunately, all I really feel like doing is taking a nap.

No Choice BUT to Keep Getting On--Even Without Adam

I lost a good friend on Friday. The Adam Carolla Show was forced to fold up shop when their LA based radio station changed to a Top 40 format. Talk about depressing. I listened to Adam during my morning commute, at work, during my ride home via podcast. This past year, his show was a constant source of support, as I started a new position in a competitive field. Listening to Adam keep me company, almost like turning to a good friend--someone who was always there and who I could always count on to raise my spirits.

TACS was a perfect companion to writing--a key aspect to my line of work. He was there throughout my doc program and my dissertation. It was radio for smart people, and I felt fortunate to be a part of his "club." My favorite segments included the "Crazy Izzy" improv on an episode about baby names...."Your name is Karen?" "No, Taren." "Ok..nice to meet you Karen!" to the Steven Winwood party mix. I was laughing so hard, and not just because I have a niece named Izzy. I emailed one of my sisters a link to a podcast about Shania Twain talking through all of her songs. "Let's go, girls!" She never even bother to listen. Well, at least she doesn't realize what she's missing now.

My other favorite bit was when the ACE man would parody other morning shoes...."news, traffic, weather, traffic, traffic, traffic..." Hilarious stuff. The standby "What Can't Adam Complain About" and "This Week in Rage" always made me feel better about being the only one to want to rant about my office.

I'm glad he's podcasting, as I need my methadone fix. Driving to work this morning was sad. I found myself pondering what Teresa, Adam, and Bryan would have said about Oscars. I heard Bryan's drops punctuate my meetings. It sounds obsessive, and I'm really not...but with so much going poorly right now...my husband out of a job, trouble with our renters, being furloughed at my job, my crazy sister causing drama that I don't have time for...all of this, and now my outlet for comic relief is gone? Really? Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. This sucks.

Surviving the Semester

Well, I made it to graduation. Can you believe it? All these years of hard work, and I'm here. It's a little surreal. I survived my first semester at ASU, and did pretty well on all accounts. My teaching could have been better, but I'd feel that way no matter what. It's an interesting time to be beginning my career. The state budget is a mess, both here and in Nevada, but I'm so blessed to have a tenure-track position. I got in just in time. Just goes to show that God's timing is always perfect. I still chat with my adviser from time to time, usually trading emails, chats, or the occasional phone call. It's good that he wants to continue working on research projects together. I need the pubs, as the pressure is on. I wonder what's it's like to mentor a student and have them leave "home" so to speak. We seem to have squabbles related to the pecking order from time to time, and I always seem to get emotional. I really wish I control that. Oh well. It's just the way it is.

The kids are doing well. Sarah's talking more every day and loves Wow Wow Wubbsey and Sponge Bob and can ask for them by name. She's so independent. Brian is maturing quickly and it quickly turning into a pre-tween. He likes playing WoW and reading. I love his caring nature and quirky sense of humor.

OK...time to try to go to bed. Sarah just woke up, and I'm going to let Andrew deal with her.

Crudy Halloween

Well, Brian turned 9 yesterday, which was interesting. We had a small party at Pump-it-Up with a few of his school friends. He seemed to enjoy it. The only downside is that Andrew was just a little too helpful...a little too eager to please. That one means one thing, and sure enough, I was right. No more contract. Great. Just when I thought we could start to think about getting a house. What a nightmare. Renting our former house has turned out to be a major pain. If it's not one thing that needs to fixed, it's a million others. I'm so sick of it. I'm tired and frustrated and sick of being unhappy.

Happy 4th?!?

Strange...you would like I would have posted last week after my dissertation defense. It went fine. Not as good as my proposal defense, in my opinion. I thought maybe there would be a get-together planned by my adviser, but apparently that's not in the cards. Silly me getting my expectations up again. I'm going to leave and no one will notice. Anti-climatic and disappointing. I've worked so hard to get to this point, and now that it's here, it's not a big deal. How odd.

At any rate, we're moving to Phoenix next week, and I've had to fight with the all of the administrative nonsense that goes along with getting a Ph.D. Interestingly enought, no one mentioned that this would be so frustrating. Nothing beats calling your adviser in a panic and in tears two days in a row. I'm sure he's going to be glad to get rid of me. Well, it's almost here...

Had a better day today, as I didn't work on my dissertation at all. I think it's formatted and ready to go, or at least as close as it's going to get. Instead, we went out to a parade in my old home town for the 4th of July. The pic is of Sarah watching the parade. Tomorrow Brian comes home from two weeks of visiting his cousins. I'll be glad to see him and have him back! Other than that, it's extremely hot out, and I'm trying to keep my cool on all levels. Not doing to well, but hanging in there as best I can.

Least Favorite Holiday

Father's Day has got to be the worst day for me. With my dad being gone, you would like I would get off the hook, but no...I get to spend it with my husband and father-in-law, neither of who appreciate the effort I go to on behalf of the kids. It's totally pointless. Just a scheme conjured by Hallmark to sell a bunch of crap. I hate it.

Just putting the finishing touches on my dissertation talk. I need to start practicing and memorizing chapters 4 and 5. My defense is in T-minus 10 days. I have to take a copy of my tome to this lady in the graduate college for a formatting check tomorrow. I've been dreading this, but might as well bite the bullet and get it over with.

That's about it. I need to start getting stuff ready for my classes next session. Looks like both of them are a go, so that's good. We need the money. I have no idea what is going to happen with the house. Doesn't look like much in this market. UGH.

Here's to another crappy Father's day, my least favorite bogus, so-called "holiday."

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Now playing: Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing
via FoxyTunes

Blah Blah Dissertation Blahs

Well, it's delivered. Not that there was any hoopla or anything. Thought I'd get a mild reaction from my advisor when I inadvertently ran into him this afternoon, but I was wrong...no reaction. That's got to be the best. What the heck is that supposed to mean? I realize I look for meaning in everything, but come on. Can't you at least say something?

Found a bulleted list or two, which shouldn't be there according to APA formatting. I knew that! UGH! Oh well, so it's not perfect. It just needs to be acceptable. I'm working on my presentation now. I was looking for a luke warm reception. Is that too much to ask for over 3 years of work? Guess so.

:-(

Now playing: Alanis Morissette - Out Is Through
via FoxyTunes